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Sex languages: What’s your sex communication style?

Sex language... what is it?

Is it Spanish? Greek? Russian? French? or dirt talk?
Do you know what I am talking about?

Of course, yes. You know those common sex languages used to describe sexual acts such that:

  • Spanish is the act of stimulating men cocks between women's breasts (Busensex, Titjob oder Tittenfick)

  • French sex is oral sex, the art of stimulating genitals orally for sexual pleasure

  • Greek is anal sex, the act of penetrating anus sexually (Analverkehr)

  • Russian is thigh job sex (Schenkelverkehr)

  • English is the role-plays and spankings, and so on, as described in Wikipedia.

However, those are not the languages of sex I am talking about!
Image: spreadshirt

In sex, both men and women have to find their own authentic sex language to practice on the act, even though both view it from a different perspective. In most cases, men expect women to moan for pleasure or pain during sexual intercourse, while they do nothing in return, and a few do actually moan! Others prefer dirty talk during sex or both moaning and dirty talking.

The so-called ‘copulatory vocalisations,’ I have decided to call it ‘the sex language’ because it is the verbalisation and vocals used to express sexual pleasure...

… it's the voice and words we ply during sexual intercourse, be it moaning or groaning loudly or just dirty talks.

The sound and words used to confirm our lust or passion or ask for more and can be a form of directives to sex partners, as they can study the variations in voice to better estimate the degree of pleasure being achieved or needed, during that moment, to know how good or bad it is, to stick with or correct what one is doing to climax the sex experience.

Thus it's a way of how we impart the enjoyment we are receiving on the sexual act and could be a means of substantiating or a way of asking for more or telling our partners where we are in need of what pleasures us.

Silent Sex

Men, especially, those with less self-esteem do complain when a woman is making some noise during sexual intercourse. They say that moaning is turning them off. However, I do believe when having sex with someone who doesn't make any noise, the sex become weird because you feel like he or she isn't getting any pleasure from you, making you as the doer or participant insecure.

Remember, wherever there are insecurities in sex, especially, if a man becomes insecure in sex, he might end up not functioning to a point of lacking an erection, one of the most important element in sex!
Image: popxo

In escort sex, some men ask women not to make any groaning because they believed that it's just ‘part of their job’ as escort girls. They believed that girls aren't feeling anything and that they are just pretending because they are paid for sex and that they have to do so just to make men happy.

However, moaning can be part of some people's sex persona and culture, which happens to be a behavioural trait caused by force of habit.

And therefore, ‘whether those people are feeling anything or nothing, it is what it is… part of their sex personality and attitude’ and no one has the right to judge someone. Remember, the art of moaning can influence the sex end results!

Actually, the moment you start the habit of moaning during sex it becomes your sex attitude that with time it's like a reflection that you moan unknowingly.

And for those who do not groan with pleasure during sex, especially men, to understand how it feels like having sex with a silent person, they need to reflect on how they themselves feel when their partners are voiceless during sex. They have to think if during that moment due to unsureness they do ask themselves the following questions:

  • ‘is she (he) really enjoying it or not?’

  • ‘is she (he) climaxing or not?’

Thus, during silent sex, there are more uncertainties in sex.

The Yummy Principle

Actually, the principle of sex language is same as the yummy principle of cooking!

When someone cook food and people are eating without saying anything, no one is saying ‘yummy’ or ‘mmhhh’ on the table, the cook will obviously think something is not right because, ‘yummy' is the sound without words, of validating the attractiveness and deliciousness of food. Isn’t it?

Everyone needs confirmation to feel better on what he or she is offering, and in sex it doesn't have to be just the feeling, but also the attraction, which is also part of sex provision, and should be consumed and confirmed. Period!
Moaning in sex is like complementing the doer while on action and confirming the enjoyment!


Sex without moaning is like driving a Ferrari or Lamborghini without noise… Is it fun? … You be the judge!

The Art of Sex Languages

There are two major types of languages used in sex. Moaning or groaning, and dirty talk.

Both of these languages are different in the way they are applied and even the characteristics of people using them.

Dirty Talk

Dirty talking is the use of direct and 'dirty’ sexual words to communicate and turn the sex partner on. Generally, it is verbal erotic and the art of using sexy voice and direct suggestive words to turn someone on during sexual intercourse to increase stimulation and arousal.

It is a way of speaking sexy, provocative, enticing, stimulating and seductive, more natural and direct, which means not to be afraid to ask for what (one) you want and to tell what you want to do, meaning openness and having much more fun in bed.

However, it has to happen naturally, where one person starts and the other responds, of which it happens best in a form of character role play and done best by extrovert people.

Mistakes made during dirty talk is when you are in the middle of sex and your partner asks you to dirty talk to him/her, especially if it's an introvert type of a person. It might be weird and more so, if the person himself cannot start the conversation in a dirt talk manner nor respond in a dirty talking way, and just want to hear you talk dirty, because every conversation must be a dialogue and not a monologue!

Dirty talk should be a conversation and a sex dialogue in a dirty suggestive and provocative language!

Dirty Talker Personality

Characteristically, dirty talk is in most cases applied by people who are (over) self-confident in sex and extrovert, people who like less emotional sex, those who like hard sex, of which what they are saying is not necessarily what they mean since it could just be a fantasy, through which they have seen and learnt from porn.

Thus, it is not real, as people say what they want to say, and they want to hear what they want to hear (or better to say), what they (want) asked to be told.

But in some (many) cases, there are shy people, people whose characteristics doesn't match the art of dirty talking but find it fascinating that they ask their sex partners to dirty talk to them, such as

‘can you please 'dirty talk' to me or talk dirty to me.’

And if it happens so, the whole thing isn't authentic because, based on that person's personality, he isn't capable of responding 'dirty' and therefore there is no spontaneous dirty dialogue as it is supposed to be, but rather a monologue, which is then awkward and boring.

And once you do so, the whole sex wouldn't be fun because the delegated person has to find words to say, while in reality the words should flow automatically by the deeds, since a real and pure 'dirty talker' start the sex dialogue from the beginning dirty!

Image: cafepress

Dirty talk is also a way to communicate peoples' personal sexual wishes and directly tell their partners what they like in them and what they want them to do while suggesting their wishes without any fear. The person has to use the right words and vocabularies, which are erotic to make someone horny and not just simple day to day words, which might turn someone off.

In dirty talking, a simple word like
  • a penis is replaced with a cock

  • a vagina is replaced with a pussy

  • an ass is replaced with a booty

  • and a sentence like 'lick your vagina' is replaced with 'eat your pussy.'

Thus practising is important for more vocabulary and spontaneity.

The dirty talk style of communication is hard and not passionate or sensuality.

Thus words used are simple and direct, but not pleasing like ‘I would like to’ but rather the language used is ‘I will’ ‘I must’ ‘I want,’ and ‘fuck me’ in combination with the tone of your voice which should be wild.

Groaning or Moaning

Image: popxo
Groaning or moaning is just voice with no or few words used to express sexual enjoyment and excitement, which is applied mostly by people who love romantic and emotional sex most.

Occasionally, groaning is innocently used when someone is consuming services on his body such as a good massage. It is just a way of confirming enjoyment or satisfaction to the doer.

Mechanism To Turn Someone On

For me, moaning in sex is part of sexual activity that should be natural.
Image: spreadshirt

I think when a person is groaning in sex doesn't have to be that he or she is feeling pain or excitement because moaning can be used as a mechanism to turn someone on, just like female animals such as cicadas, cats, lions and others do when wanting or having sex.

These animals yowl when in heat to let their male surrounding know that they are ready for it and even when mating they make some unique sound and noises to let them know that they are enjoying it.

So, moaning is a natural phenomenon!
Moaning can also be a confirmation of enjoyment of the sex partner’s sexiness, what the person is seeing to turn him or her on during that moment, as sex doesn't have to be a consumption by doing (fucking), it can just be a consumption by seeing (attraction).

Why should Men Moan

Men think that moaning is a woman thing where, especially men who are over self-confident expect to use dirty-talk during sex while their woman moans in return.

This is, however, applicable in the masculine society, as it's an old-fashioned sex thinking where the woman has no voice and the man is the boss.

It works where a man is the dominating figure who is using her as his sex slave that she has to be submissive, especially in the societies where there is no equality and she has to conform to his authority, which is also part of some cultures, like in Africa, such as the culture of Hamar people of Ethiopia where women (beg to) get whipped to prove their love for their kinsmen.

This art of sex has, however, evolved, in that, in the modern society it has become an erotic practice and a subset of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, SadoMasochism (BDSM), where men want women as their sex slaves or vice versa, where submissive men become slaves of dominant women, where he moans and she dirty talks.

In general, some men without self-confidence even believe when a woman is moaning during sex is turning them-off, as they think that the woman is play-acting it, since they cannot believe that they are good enough to make a woman scream, which is due to their lack of understanding of the mechanism of the sex language.

But it is not that way!

Actually, each sex partner need to show the other their reception of pleasure while they, on the other hand, want to know which direction they should go to satisfy their sexual needs.

This can (could) be communicated without words, but through vocal expressions, which helps them valuate how far more to go, as the voice alteration act like a degree of the scale.

Other men think when a woman is moaning she is in pain and keep on asking her every now and then while she moans, if she is alright, or it is painful, which with time becomes boring having to confirm that you are enjoying and not in pain and hearing...

"are you sure that you are (it’s) ok?".

Why Women Moaning

Women, uses moaning, not always as men conjecture it to be, which is ‘a groaning woman is enjoying the sex or feeling the dick or even feeling pain.'

Paradoxically, for the same reason, women take advantage of men’s ideology towards them and uses moaning as a weapon to accelerate the men’s ejaculation speed, since they know what their men are thinking when they hear them groan, which makes them hornier to cum faster, especially if they are tired of too long and boring sex when they are no longer in the mood, when they feel pain or under time pressure.

And that is why a times women starts screaming, ‘fuck me, fuck me, fuck me...' while groaning like a lioness in heat, of which she is pretending by asking for more, while the real reason is that she is trying to accelerate the guy's fucking speed, to make him fuck faster and cum hurriedly!

It's part of the (sex) game anyway!
Image: Glamour

Another reason why women moan, is a pretence to boast men’s ego to make them believe that they are performing well to make their women cum during sexual intercourse. The believe that he is making her cum, psychologically increases men’s adrenaline based on the fact that it's rare for a man to make a woman cum through penetration, which isn’t the case in reality, as they are just making them believe to make them hornier and ejaculate, to end the sex.

They may also want to play with their mind making them believe that their penises are big enough that they can feel them well, by expressing the pain of joy during the intercourse, or to insinuate tightness of their vaginal canals and the bigness of their partner’s penis, which isn’t also the case, but a pretence to make men horny to ejaculate faster.

It's also a way to accelerate their ejaculation because when a woman scream to make a man believe she is almost getting the orgasms, he will psychologically rush to cum, as well as, because he wants to cum with her.

Advantages of Moaning in Sex

Self-esteem Booster

Well, imagine that you are having sex with someone who is completely silent while fucking. It's a boring sex!

Even when a woman is having sex with a silent man she gets irritated as she feels as if she isn’t good enough or not attractive enough to make him horny, which reduces her self-esteem.

The sexual environment of a silent sex is lustless!
Pleasure Confirmator

Most men believe a silent woman on a missionary position

'she is just lying like a log waiting for a dick to routinely come in and out.'

When a man believe that the woman isn't into sex, by not having fun or lack of motivation in sex, he is turned off! And even, in the sex business where men pay for sex, most of them pay to have and give pleasure. That's why men ask working girls:

‘are you doing this

  • because you like sex?

  • for money?

  • or because you are forced to?’

Most of them want to pay someone who enjoys sex as they also look for Girlfriend, Sex Experience (GFSE)

Men judge how women communicate to see whether they real are into sex. They look for authentic voice and how often they moan during sex. Some even cheat because that is what they are missing at home or in their relationships. Their women don’t let go during sex, even though those with families and children can't get loud at home, especially when their homes are made of thin walls that every sound is hearable in the neighbouring rooms,

…because some architectures, didn’t put sex moaning into consideration while planing their houses and apartment, putting parents’ room near children’s, so now they can't get as loud as they want to during sex.
Easiness in Sex
To be loud during sex has a beautiful function as it helps you be more relaxed!

Your breath deepens and with your sense of pleasure - you can let go and forget everything around you. Those who moan during sex have less psychological issues during sex as they only think about the fun and sexual pleasure they are receiving.

No more thinking about unpaid bills or the weekend shopping!

It's also a mutually act since your partner is excited by your moan, and you too just because you let go, since the louder you are the more pleasurable! And, by the way, very self-confident men do scream very loud when they cum and some do laugh loud, which is fun and nothing shameful!

G-Spot Director
Indistinguishably to dirty talks, groaning help clear misunderstandings during sexual intercourse.

It's a cooler way to direct your partner without having to use words. Like this he or she can know the area where you have intensive feelings. Most women use sound to show where they really like it. If he gets close clitoris, or if he exert the amount of pressure she likes during oral sex to make her cum or if she likes what he's doing with his tongue, she moans louder to motivate him to continue. And when she's satisfied or doesn’t like it anymore she uses another voice to express her dislike, making him change to something else.


Imagine you as a woman during oral sex are being licked or fingered by a guy who doesn’t know exactly where your G-spot is but want to enjoy the lick and cum. Your moaning can direct him to the spot. And when you use sound variations, as in, quieter when he isn’t at the spot getting louder and louder as he gets towards it, it helps him know where to stick his tongue or fingers while position himself at the G-spot. And when he vibrate his tongue or finger on that spot and you respond using differing vibes he will know how fast or slow he should go, and for how long to make you cum. Thus practice sound variations which your partner can study during sex and use it to make you enjoy.

Guidance or Feelings Director

And even though most men prefer dirt talks to groaning, in the same way, men, especially those who like emotional sex should moan during sex since moaning is a form of guidance for a woman to also know what to do to meet his sexual expectations. It can even help prolong sex.


Moaning helps women understand men, which lead to a perfect sex without having to use words.

Think of it this way...

You are a woman giving your man a blowjob, hand-job, or whatever. When he is quite while in action you won’t know where his feelings are to know where to concentrate because men aren't equal as they have feelings in different side of their dicks.

So maybe his feelings are more on the glans.

If he doesn’t react when you touch it you won’t know and you will stick on blowing or massaging his shaft, which isn’t fun for him and maybe he is shy to tell you what to do because he thinks it's immodest. But if, for example, you touch the shaft and he doesn’t react, but when you move towards the glans he reacts and more when you are there or even more when you are at the frenulum, which might be his most sensitive area, then you will concentrate on the glans and mostly at the frenulum where he likes it most.

Velocity Determinator

And the voice variation will also help you determine the velocity, that is, if he changes his moaning voice you will know how drool-worthy whatever you are doing is and how far he is about to cum and keep on doing what you are doing and maybe increase the intensity until he cums.

Moreover, it might help you determine when to pause if you want a longer and intensive session, to avoid cumming faster.
Erogenous Zones

By groaning whenever your erogenous zone such as nipples, frenulum (F-Point), scrotum, gluteal sulcus, perineal raphe, or the prostate area and the P-Spot are touched your partner can know what makes you horny that she can put these areas into consideration during sex. If you don’t react then she won’t bother to keep them into account since she doesn’t know how lustful those areas make you.

This is the same if you don’t like something, like you don’t like when she lick your balls, through your voice she can know and realise your disliking and concentrate on areas which makes you horny!
Pre-ejaculation Period Prolongation (Pre-mature Ejaculation)

In the same way, your groaning can help prolong your sex experience since if you moan and she hears that you are almost ejaculating while she isn’t ready yet to make you cum she can reduce the speed of whatever she is doing to wait and restart again, which gives you the possibility to have a longer sexual encounter.

And this is even important during the foreplay where you both don’t want to cum through oral sex.

For example, when you are on 69, she is blowing you while you lick her and you don’t react, she won’t know how far you are where you might end up cumming in her mouth, which wasn’t the plan, thus missing the opportunity to fuck, or even irritating her if she doesn’t like when you cum in her mouth, as it wasn’t the agreement.

Lack of moaning can reduce pleasure because your partner doesn’t know how far you are, she might decide to change the position or stop what she was doing while you were almost climaxing, which will cause you to shoot your load during the wrong moment or even loosing the climax feeling to have to start all over again.

And if the sex is timed and the person is running out of time, since she can’t feel how near you are to cum by your lack of moaning, she might end up telling you using words such as, ‘ok it's time to cum now, can you please hurry up’ which turns you off, whereby if she would have felt how near you were to cum through your moaning voice, she might have used another strategy to make you cum even faster, which is more lustful.

Misunderstandings Preventer

And if you have an agreement of blowjob without Cumming In Mouth (CIM) it's better controllable if the guy moans because through the moaning voice the blower can know when to take the penis out her (his-if gay-not judging) mouth in a timely manner so that it isn’t too early or late to ejaculate wherever you were supposed to, whether on face, teats or just body insermination.

With moaning there won’t be the need of use of words such as 'how far are you...’ which might turn you off!
Ejaculation Intensity

Groaning might also increase your ejaculation intensity because if you like a longer period of friction while ejaculating, especially when hand-jobbing, she will continue rubbing based on your reaction. If you don’t react she might stop rubbing your dick the moment your sperms starts coming out, as she thinks you are done (also as some men become sensitive the moment they start ejaculating), which affects the intensity.

So reacting through moaning during ejaculation is important to inform your sex partner of when your are about to ejaculate, when you are ejaculating and how long the ejaculation is lasting.
Sex Introversion Trait Reducer
Groaning is, helpful to introvert people, men who don’t talk too much, who like making love with feelings, caressing and kissing rather than pornographic sex without emotions, those who like sexual teasing, rather than dirty talks!

Men who are uncomfortable and shy for having less sex experience and not knowing what to do due to nervousness, once they try moaning and giving complements about something they like about their sexual partners and show them with their voice what they want them to do with them without a fear of shaming themselves, their nervousness disappear and they become more open and courageous to dare more, fearless of the women’s presence.

How to Learn to Moan or Groan

And, of course, moaning isn't genetic. It's a habit!

It starts as a fake behaviour, which you flatter yourself into, that with time it becomes a habit, your sex persona. And as fake as it might seem, you need to start one day and find a way to make it your sex personality. And if you want to be really loud, do it. Don’t be shy!

If I had to practice to moan, the best way and moment would be when I am alone, undisturbed, just like professional dancers, they practice alone in their rooms in front of a mirror.

The best way to moan during sex is to breath with open mouth during sex and let any sound coming out of your throat be heard. Don’t block it. I usually say, sounds in sex is the opposite of sounds in drinking.

Image: wikiHow
While drinking we learn never to burp loudly. In sex, it’s the opposite. Burp any sexual voice coming out as loudly as you can.
To practise moaning during sexual intercourse isn’t advisable, but it's possible.

However, doing it for the first time during sex might be awkward because it will sound less authentic. It has to be like something which you are used to and your habit. That’s why I am suggesting you to practise first through masturbation and then implement it in sex when you are self-confident, because when you masturbate it's the best moment to say what you want to say while having sexual pleasure even if you want to practise dirty talks.

It may sound stupid and crazy talking alone but that way you are pairing your sexual arousal with your habit which will give a response, which is what you need.
Image: Shutterstock

It's a type of classical conditioning also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning which is define in wikipedia as

“...a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus (e.g. food) is paired with a previously neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell). It also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response (e.g. salivation) that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus,"

The influence of classical conditioning is said to, in fact, be the emotional responses such as phobia, disgust, nausea, anger, and sexual arousal. That way, pairing your sexual arousal with your sex language, whether dirty talking or moaning, will be a form of conditioned emotional response.

Image: iStockphoto

Therefore, you can pair your sexual arousal, which you obviously achieve while masturbating with your sex voice, be it groaning, dirty talk, moaning, which will become the response to your sexual arousal. Hence your sexual activity (applicable to any) will be the (stimulus), your sexual arousal becomes the (neutral stimulus) which will elicit a response, your sex language, whether moaning or dirty talk. That way, when you are having sexual arousal no matter how and through which sexual activity, whether through sexual intercourse, or masturbation, as long as you are sexually aroused you will respond with the voice you trained yourself to!


In reality, sensual noises are part of love game whether it's moaning or dirty talk, and as a matter of fact, it's a way of teasing to turn someone on, whether a man or a woman. A moaning man turns a woman on more than a silent man who has no courage to say anything during the intercourse, even though women hate macho talks during sex. Therefore, moaning shouldn’t be just a woman thing as men too should have their individual way of expressing their pleasure, maybe not as loud as women do, but in their own unique ways

and they should because sex without groaning is like watching a soundless television!

Hence for those who want to make their lovemaking a particularly tingling experience should be loud a times!

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