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Sex languages: What’s your sex communication style?

Sex language... what is it?

Is it Spanish? Greek? Russian? French? or dirt talk?
Do you know what I am talking about?

Of course, yes. You know those common sex languages used to describe sexual acts such that:

  • Spanish is the act of stimulating men cocks between women's breasts (Busensex, Titjob oder Tittenfick)

  • French sex is oral sex, the art of stimulating genitals orally for sexual pleasure

  • Greek is anal sex, the act of penetrating anus sexually (Analverkehr)

  • Russian is thigh job sex (Schenkelverkehr)

  • English is the role-plays and spankings, and so on, as described in Wikipedia.

However, those are not the languages of sex I am talking about!
Image: spreadshirt

In sex, both men and women have to find their own authentic sex language to practice on the act, even though both view it from a different perspective. In most cases, men expect women to moan for pleasure or pain during sexual intercourse, while they do nothing in return, and a few do actually moan! Others prefer dirty talk during sex or both moaning and dirty talking.

The so-called ‘copulatory vocalisations,’ I have decided to call it ‘the sex language’ because it is the verbalisation and vocals used to express sexual pleasure...

… it's the voice and words we ply during sexual intercourse, be it moaning or groaning loudly or just dirty talks.

The sound and words used to confirm our lust or passion or ask for more and can be a form of directives to sex partners, as they can study the variations in voice to better estimate the degree of pleasure being achieved or needed, during that moment, to know how good or bad it is, to stick with or correct what one is doing to climax the sex experience.

Thus it's a way of how we impart the enjoyment we are receiving on the sexual act and could be a means of substantiating or a way of asking for more or telling our partners where we are in need of what pleasures us.

Silent Sex

Men, especially, those with less self-esteem do complain when a woman is making some noise during sexual intercourse. They say that moaning is turning them off. However, I do believe when having sex with someone who doesn't make any noise, the sex become weird because you feel like he or she isn't getting any pleasure from you, making you as the doer or participant insecure.

Remember, wherever there are insecurities in sex, especially, if a man becomes insecure in sex, he might end up not functioning to a point of lacking an erection, one of the most important element in sex!
Image: popxo

In escort sex, some men ask women not to make any groaning because they believed that it's just ‘part of their job’ as escort girls. They believed that girls aren't feeling anything and that they are just pretending because they are paid for sex and that they have to do so just to make men happy.

However, moaning can be part of some people's sex persona and culture, which happens to be a behavioural trait caused by force of habit.

And therefore, ‘whether those people are feeling anything or nothing, it is what it is… part of their sex personality and attitude’ and no one has the right to judge someone. Remember, the art of moaning can influence the sex end results!

Actually, the moment you start the habit of moaning during sex it becomes your sex attitude that with time it's like a reflection that you moan unknowingly.

And for those who do not groan with pleasure during sex, especially men, to understand how it feels like having sex with a silent person, they need to reflect on how they themselves feel when their partners are voiceless during sex. They have to think if during that moment due to unsureness they do ask themselves the following questions:

  • ‘is she (he) really enjoying it or not?’

  • ‘is she (he) climaxing or not?’

Thus, during silent sex, there are more uncertainties in sex.

The Yummy Principle

Actually, the principle of sex language is same as the yummy principle of cooking!

When someone cook food and people are eating without saying anything, no one is saying ‘yummy’ or ‘mmhhh’ on the table, the cook will obviously think something is not right because, ‘yummy' is the sound without words, of validating the attractiveness and deliciousness of food. Isn’t it?

Everyone needs confirmation to feel better on what he or she is offering, and in sex it doesn't have to be just the feeling, but also the attraction, which is also part of sex provision, and should be consumed and confirmed. Period!
Moaning in sex is like complementing the doer while on action and confirming the enjoyment!


Sex without moaning is like driving a Ferrari or Lamborghini without noise… Is it fun? … You be the judge!

The Art of Sex Languages

There are two major types of languages used in sex. Moaning or groaning, and dirty talk.

Both of these languages are different in the way they are applied and even the characteristics of people using them.

Dirty Talk

Dirty talking is the use of direct and 'dirty’ sexual words to communicate and turn the sex partner on. Generally, it is verbal erotic and the art of using sexy voice and direct suggestive words to turn someone on during sexual intercourse to increase stimulation and arousal.

It is a way of speaking sexy, provocative, enticing, stimulating and seductive, more natural and direct, which means not to be afraid to ask for what (one) you want and to tell what you want to do, meaning openness and having much more fun in bed.

However, it has to happen naturally, where one person starts and the other responds, of which it happens best in a form of character role play and done best by extrovert people.

Mistakes made during dirty talk is when you are in the middle of sex and your partner asks you to dirty talk to him/her, especially if it's an introvert type of a person. It might be weird and more so, if the person himself cannot start the conversation in a dirt talk manner nor respond in a dirty talking way, and just want to hear you talk dirty, because every conversation must be a dialogue and not a monologue!

Dirty talk should be a conversation and a sex dialogue in a dirty suggestive and provocative language!

Dirty Talker Personality

Characteristically, dirty talk is in most cases applied by people who are (over) self-confident in sex and extrovert, people who like less emotional sex, those who like hard sex, of which what they are saying is not necessarily what they mean since it could just be a fantasy, through which they have seen and learnt from porn.

Thus, it is not real, as people say what they want to say, and they want to hear what they want to hear (or better to say), what they (want) asked to be told.

But in some (many) cases, there are shy people, people whose characteristics doesn't match the art of dirty talking but find it fascinating that they ask their sex partners to dirty talk to them, such as

‘can you please 'dirty talk' to me or talk dirty to me.’

And if it happens so, the whole thing isn't authentic because, based on that person's personality, he isn't capable of responding 'dirty' and therefore there is no spontaneous dirty dialogue as it is supposed to be, but rather a monologue, which is then awkward and boring.

And once you do so, the whole sex wouldn't be fun because the delegated person has to find words to say, while in reality the words should flow automatically by the deeds, since a real and pure 'dirty talker' start the sex dialogue from the beginning dirty!

Image: cafepress

Dirty talk is also a way to communicate peoples' personal sexual wishes and directly tell their partners what they like in them and what they want them to do while suggesting their wishes without any fear. The person has to use the right words and vocabularies, which are erotic to make someone horny and not just simple day to day words, which might turn someone off.

In dirty talking, a simple word like
  • a penis is replaced with a cock

  • a vagina is replaced with a pussy

  • an ass is replaced with a booty

  • and a sentence like 'lick your vagina' is replaced with 'eat your pussy.'

Thus practising is important for more vocabulary and spontaneity.

The dirty talk style of communication is hard and not passionate or sensuality.

Thus words used are simple and direct, but not pleasing like ‘I would like to’ but rather the language used is ‘I will’ ‘I must’ ‘I want,’ and ‘fuck me’ in combination with the tone of your voice which should be wild.

Groaning or Moaning

Image: popxo
Groaning or moaning is just voice with no or few words used to express sexual enjoyment and excitement, which is applied mostly by people who love romantic and emotional sex most.

Occasionally, groaning is innocently used when someone is consuming services on his body such as a good massage. It is just a way of confirming enjoyment or satisfaction to the doer.

Mechanism To Turn Someone On

For me, moaning in sex is part of sexual activity that should be natural.
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I think when a person is groaning in sex doesn't have to be that he or she is feeling pain or excitement because moaning can be used as a mechanism to turn someone on, just like female animals such as cicadas, cats, lions and others do when wanting or having sex.

These animals yowl when in heat to let their male surrounding know that they are ready for it and even when mating they make some unique sound and noises to let them know that they are enjoying it.

So, moaning is a natural phenomenon!
Moaning can also be a confirmation of enjoyment of the sex partner’s sexiness, what the person is seeing to turn him or her on during that moment, as sex doesn't have to be a consumption by doing (fucking), it can just be a consumption by seeing (attraction).

Why should Men Moan

Men think that moaning is a woman thing where, especially men who are over self-confident expect to use dirty-talk during sex while their woman moans in return.

This is, however, applicable in the masculine society, as it's an old-fashioned sex thinking where the woman has no voice and the man is the boss.

It works where a man is the dominating figure who is using her as his sex slave that she has to be submissive, especially in the societies where there is no equality and she has to conform to his authority, which is also part of some cultures, like in Africa, such as the culture of Hamar people of Ethiopia where women (beg to) get whipped to prove their love for their kinsmen.

This art of sex has, however, evolved, in that, in the modern society it has become an erotic practice and a subset of Bondage, Discipline, Dominance and Submission, SadoMasochism (BDSM), where men w